Blogging is this weird little universe where everyone puts their best foot forward and (usually) leaves the dregs of their lives away from view. That sounds like it's not being truthful, or just being delusional, but it's not that for me. When I started this blog, I made a few decisions. I wanted my blog to be a happy place. I didn't want it to be a place where I continually vent my frustrations in life. I didn't want it to become a place that had a negative or downer vibe. I decided to NEVER say anything negative about Brian on here. I've read blogs that did all the things I just mentioned, and I just never went back.
Don't get me wrong, I've definitely complained about life here and there. Sometimes life is hard! But I just did not want it to become a habit. So I put hardships out there once in a great while, and then move on. I personally think that works for my blog.
So, let me tell you the truth. I probably cook dinner 3 to 4 times a week. And sometimes by "cook" I mean I make sandwiches. Like I did for Brian when he got home last night. The rest of the week we eat leftovers or we get take out. That is the truth of my cooking. I tend to cook more on the weekends while Brian is around to herd littles out of the kitchen.
I have a babysitter that comes for 8 hours every week so that I can do a project here or there. Or to go to the store all by myself. Or to stare out the window for an hour. Whatever I feel like. I know this is a luxury. And it's the only way I can actually work on a project around here. So the thought that I juggle two toddlers while painting or embroidering or editing pictures is just false. I get HELP for that.
Brian and I are not perfect. We are lucky to have each other, and I believe we have a healthy relationship. But we have our moments! Brian always says I am so nice to him on my blog- I never say anything bad about him. Well, there are times I probably could! But how would that help anything? Complaining about him in a space where he can't really defend himself seems really wrong. So you guys see him in ONLY a good light. And I like it like that. He really is a good guy, so it's not like I'm keeping major skeletons in his closet here. I'm talking about those small, every-day annoyances that you chat about with your best friend on the phone. That kind of thing has no place here, in my opinion.
And as far as motherhood goes, well, I'm a work in progress. I let the littles watch cartoons while eating breakfast. I use disposable diapers on Rowan (gasp! the environment! I KNOW.). I have yelled. Lots. Even though it never works. I let them have non-organic, processed food snacks that sometimes contain sugar. I often wish the babysitter was here. I cry when they are being particularly beastly. I sometimes watch a show on the ipad with my earbuds in while sitting on the floor playing with them. Because they never. stop. asking. questions. I could lie and say I love every second of being a mom, but I'm telling the truth here. Being a mom is hands down the hardest thing I've ever done.
So. I just wanted you all to know life isn't perfect here. And I'm not trying to portray myself as some clone of Martha Stewart. I really enjoy doing the things I post about here, and I've just tried to find way to get them done and posted. I'm not trying to portray my life as perfect. It isn't. Life is messy and hard with punctuations of joy. My life is no exception. I have a good, happy life, but it's far from perfect. And I like it that way.