Friday, October 28, 2011

why, universe? why?

I do think the universe is conspiring against me.  I do.  No, I'm not a crazy conspiracy theorist, so hear me out.  Ok, let me start at the beginning.  I like wine.  It's good.  And it uh, lubricates those moments when kids are screaming and you are trying to get dinner on the table.  Do I drink too much?  No.  I don't get drunk.  I just get, um, more relaxed with a glass of wine or two.  Ok, I just KNOW that you are out there reading this and either nodding your head and saying, yep, yep, yep OR you are thinking, poor girl's an alcoholic and trying to deny it.  Anyway.  I'm not, ok? 

But the universe doesn't want me drinking wine anymore.  You already know this story if you are a facebook friend of mine.  The other day I opened the garage refrigerator and 4 bottles of wine crashed and shattered onto the garage floor.  It was bad.  Really bad.  Not only did I destroy the wine, but then I had a HUGE mess to clean up.  What a pain.

A friend suggested a kind of boxed wine that she liked, and so it seemed like a safe backup to the bottled kind that I keep on hand.  So I went to the store, with my children, of course.  I found the the boxed wine and got a couple bottles of my usual favorites.  As we were in the wine aisles, Fletcher asked me what I was putting in the cart.  So I told him.  Wine.  And for some reason he started chanting "wino, wino, wino, wino..."  I wish I were kidding.  Rowan decided to chime in since she loves to sing along to any song.  So both my kids were loudly mocking me in the wine aisle of Publix.  It was pretty humiliating.  Not humiliating enough to actually put the wine back, but you know.  Embarrassing. 

I have no idea where who when why Fletcher learned to say that.  My kids were getting those looks that just read, "Oh, you poor children with your alcoholic mother."  I wanted to tell them, "You don't KNOW!  I'm the poor one!  I'm alone all day with these children, okay?  And I'm not a wino, thankyouverymuch!!!  Don't listen to him, he's three!"  But I just stood up straight, and payed for my wine.  And reminded myself to send Brian to the store the next time we needed wine.

I wish that were the end, but no.  Last night I went to make dinner and disaster had struck.  The "safe" box of wine had somehow leaked all over into the vegetable drawer.  I had an empty box of wine, and super marinated vegetables.  Pretty sure I'd be a bad mom if I served my kids THAT salad, right? 

So.  Why universe?  I'm a pretty light drinker.  I at most have 2 glasses of wine when I drink, and it's not even every night!  So why?  WHY?


  1. The universe is telling you not to drink wine. Okay. But did she tell you not to drink whiskey?

  2. Shhh, universe...shhh. Quiet now. Don't come between a mama and her sippy cup. Don't listen, ruthie. Universes hange been wrong before.

  3. Maybe the universe is just not pleased with the brand of wine? Or wants you to switch to vodka. :)

    I would have just about died in Publix if my daughter did that -- and she totally would. But it's still better than the temper tantrum I threw at about that age, begging my mom (who'd never even spanked me) to not beat me in front of the whole store. Nice, right? Karma is SO going to bite me in the butt for that one!


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